Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
