Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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