New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
