Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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