Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do vagina's smell?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
there is glitter all over my balls
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