Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
