I just saw a hot homeless man
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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