i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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