Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this is an emotional support booty call
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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