and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
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