So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize