That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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