haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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