I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
