I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
