I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
