i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
