i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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