My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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