The maid of honor just puked.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize