we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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