I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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