My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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