I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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