I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
