haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
