We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Found the puke drawer
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
