when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Randomize
