Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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