what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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