hotel room ftw
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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