She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
