'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just had sex on a roof
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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