He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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