Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So vagazzling was a success
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
