you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
