i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
