you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
