that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
