The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The air taste purple.
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