That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
