Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
