At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
