I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
