Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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