Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
