4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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