just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Randomize
