hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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