At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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