i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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