if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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