he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
why is half of my head shaved?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
