Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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