I wish life had little blips of pornography
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
