You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize