I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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