I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
