Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
