can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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