I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
