Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
