He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh god it's open bar.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize