Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
soo... how was my night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize