You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
