Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
