I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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