Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
