hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
