He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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