Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
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