the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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