I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize