i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
