i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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