I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
