She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
